I had an amazing talk with my daughter last night and she is so encouraging, of course, she knows our grieve is different, her dad and my husband. But she doesn’t want me to sit and be depressed and drown in it all. And I do not want this for myself either. I know my husband wouldn’t want this either.
So I am on a mission to pull myself out of this and find my new normal, find what I want for the rest of my life. Of course, I want my husband but he is gone and I can’t change this. Like my husband would always say when I was stressed or worried about something, can you change it?? No, then don’t stress or worry about it.
He was smart that way.
So I want to figure out what in this life makes me happy and I want to move towards it. I want to grab it and go with it.
I am going to look into getting my body fit and healthy. And maybe taking a class or too of something that might interest me. Maybe cooking or Tai Chi or a women’s defense class or pottery…don’t know yet.
I know I will still have my times and I will deal with it.
I don’t mean to sound harsh, I just can’t keep doing this, falling into this dark hole. It’s not healthy for me, even tho my kids are grown it isn’t good for them because they are worried about me. And it doesn’t help my grandkids.
So as much as my mind wants to live in this dark ass hole, I know it isn’t healthy and I want out. Life isn’t supposed to be this way. And we are dealt paths sometimes we don’t want to take but then here we are.
The Path we don’t want
So I am walking this path I have been given and I have chosen not to fall into the deep pit of darkness.
I want to live life and be happy.
I Will always have the wonderful memories we made from our great life together! And love him forever in my heart.
One day if God puts another in my life, he will have to understand that spot in my heart will always be taken. If he doesn’t then he isn’t right for me.
Sorry I have gone on so long but wanted to pour out my feelings about all of this.
There are many good sites to turn too for support and help here is one I love, Widow411